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    « A thousand of you... | Main | Practices »

    Basic definitions

    There's no order here. I'm putting them in the order of how they occurred to me. Let me know what you think.

    Being in rapport means we trust one another enough to consider accepting influence from one another.

    The "world" is your idea of what's out there that you wake up to every day. Depending on how things are going, it's either a wonderful or terrible place, or both.

    Your identity, what you mean by "I," is your idea about who you are relative to other people. It can be a label, a title, a description or a story.

    Your word, as in "I gave my word," is your understanding of what you promised someone.

    Life is your understanding of what's going on in your experience. When we say "my life" we mean my present beliefs about my history and prospects for the future.

    Explaining yourself is describing your model of the world to someone so they can understand your logic.

    Feedback is a suggestion of what might work better.

    Complaining is trying to upset someone in order to get them to do something for you.

    Criticizing is telling someone that something isn't the way it should be. It's also telling someone they aren't the way they should be. Positive criticism is intended as feedback. Negative criticism is intended to upset the person in order to make them more compliant.

    Fair is my idea of what I would prefer that I don't think you have a right to object to.

    Being upset is the experience of an inner conflict between what I believed and what I am considering now.

    Things are resolved when both parties can comfortably live with whatever was decided.

    Agreement is deciding on a single model of the world.

    Conflict is the clash between different models of the world.

    Being right means asserting the superiority of one's model of the world.

    Being wrong means having an incorrect model of the world, or thinking you or someone else does.

    Correct usually means conforming to what was expected.

    Happy means pleased with one's sense of what's going on.

    Unhappy means resisting one's sense of what's going on.

    Anger is being emotionally motivated to assert one's point of view.

    Fear is an avoidant emotional reaction to a sense of imminent hurt or loss.

    Sadness is focus on something that was valued which is no longer accessible.

    Coaching is showing someone a better approach, a better method.

    Better means easier and more effective, with less resistance.

    Pain is one's felt, physical sense of resistance to what is occurring in the system.

    Pleasure is one's felt, physical sense of welcoming of what is occurring in the system.

    Relief is the release of resistance.

    "Doing my work" in terms of therapy or recovery means being willing to consider, incorporate or respond to feedback or criticism.

    More to come... keep checking in!


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