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    « I, me, mine | Main | 6 Things happy people never do »

    No blame; no forgiveness

    We live in a culture of blame. We find fault and assign blame relentlessly.

    And then afterwards, when we're sick of the negativity, we take the high moral ground and forgive those who we've previously blamed so we can feel better.

    Here's an idea: how about not finding fault with people in the first place? How about not thinking of every hurt feeling in terms of who's fault it was?

    After all, who are you to judge or criticize? Who among us has never disappointed or hurt or caused harm? The fact that you were hurt or disappointed doesn't mean you were a victim or that you were right or that anyone else was wrong.

    Attacking someone for whatever reason just adds to the general misery.

    Finding fault is a waste of your precious time and life. The only thing worse than fault finding and blame is holding on to the fault-finding by holding a grudge.

    There's nothing good about holding a grudge. Keeping hurt alive in order to protect yourself doesn't protect you. It just keeps the hurt going. Stop holding on to the memories of injury, stories of betrayal or disappointment or loss. Get over it.

    And stop "forgiving" people. Don't attack them with criticism in the first place.

    It is a great relief not to have to know what's best for others. You don't have to be upset about their choices or wish them well. You can just trust them and trust life and let them be.

    And when you let things be, just let them be. Know that all is well, and everything is working itself out for the best. If you have an agenda in letting things be, you're not really letting things be. You're still trying to control things.

    Whatever someone did, blame just adds to the mess. Forgiveness doesn't do anything but cover over the fact that you attacked them after they hurt you.

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