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    « One amazing thing... | Main | No blame; no forgiveness »

    I, me, mine

    "Love is a rose but you'd better not pick it. Only grows when it's on the vine. Handful of thorns and you'll know you've missed it. Lose your love when you say the word mine."

    --from the song "Love is a Rose" by Neil Young

    No one owns anything -- not really. You have the use of things, sometimes exclusively, for a while.

    This principle is especially true when it comes to other people. No matter what the love songs say or what your dear one says to you, no one owns or has exclusive rights to another person. All the arguments to the contrary don't change that one bit. We have only the experience of sharing some aspects of our life with someone and when that's done, it's done.

    There is no forever in life. There's only for here and now, and that's enough.

    So when we say someone is "mine" we can't really expect that to be true. If they belong to anyone, they belong more to themselves, and even that's questionable.

    No one can really be there for you 100%. Be gracious about that. It's OK. You don't need unconditional love or support.

    You can't lose someone, because you never had them in the first place.

    We share parts of our life with people. That's all there is, ever. It's not right or wrong, good or bad, it's the way it is.

    We take the whole I, me, mine thing way too seriously. We worry way too much about our image, our relational and social status. We equate our worth with our social standing, with who's in our life and how they feel about us. It's as if we only have worth if others think we do.

    We think we need all kinds of things we don't need at all, like approval, and control and security, especially when it comes to significant others. When we think we need something or when we think we own something, when we say something is mine, that's always a problem.

    Here's an idea: try letting go of the idea of "mine," as in not my body, not my world, not my problem, not my love, not my achievement, not my beliefs or ideas. Think of yourself as a guest in this world, think of your life as a gift to you and think of the things that come your way as temporary privileges and blessings.

    Try looking at things from the point of view that it's the world or nature that does things, that it is Life that originates and ultimately determines things, and that you only get to go along for the ride.

    It's not that I'm arguing for that point of view being true. It's just that life seems less crazy when you look at it that way.


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