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    « Don't confuse love and desire... | Main | Pride is a place where we hide »

    Decide what you want and start talking yourself into it (instead of talking yourself out of it.)

    "You're either talking yourself into what you want or you're talking yourself out of it. You might wonder why it is you'd want to argue that you can't have what you want." -- from a talk I gave in 1991. I'd say I was ahead of my time with that one.

    Ever notice how kids, especially the little ones, always seem to come up with really good arguments as to why they should get everything they want? They can be very persuasive and they don't give in, the little beggars. Sure, they don't know what they're asking for half the time, but there is something to be said for their faith and dedication.

    A few years later, the same kid has resigned himself to the fact that he can't have what he wants most of the time. He is getting more "mature." He's even starting to feel like he shouldn't ask for things because it's selfish.

    A few years go by and the same kid as a teenager is starting to complain about how they NEVER get what they want -- because people won't let them have it. It's so unfair! Wait till I'm an adult, they say.

    But wait a few more years, and the adult will insist that no one can really have what they want. IT'S JUST THE WAY LIFE IS. Sure, if you're lucky enough to have money you can buy things, but you STILL CAN"T HAVE MOST OF WHAT YOU WANT, especially the intangible stuff that really matters like good friends or love or happiness or creativity or security or satisfaction or peace of mind. Even massively successful and fortunate people can't seem to get what they want, so what chance do the rest of us have?

    And I ask: who says we can't have what we want? Mostly, it's us. We say it, and we insist on it.

    How did we all get so cynical? So pessimistic? Why do most of us argue FOR our limitations?

    I think we should pay attention and find out (or decide) what it is that we want and then start supporting the idea that it might be possible to have it -- maybe even go so far as to say that we can and should have what we want, not in an ignorant way the way we did when we were three years old, (I want a pony! I'll take care of it!) but in context, taking into consideration the needs of others, as sensible and intelligent adults.

    Think about relationship goals, business goals, financial goals, enjoyment goals, learning goals, you name it. (Do you have them?) Are you saying you can or can't have what you want?

    Start by deciding to support the idea that your goals are reachable. Start there. Talk yourself into your goals, not out of them.

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